Honeyfund – The Death Knell to Wedding Etiquette

by Claire Valenty on December 20, 2010

in Gifts & Celebration Etiquette, Wedding Etiquette

wedding honeyfund etiquette

Wedding gift registries were established long, long ago to help the new couple set up their new home together (back when people moved straight from their parents’ homes to newlywed bliss).  As people wait to get married and/or live together before getting married, the day to day household necessities are usually purchased long before marriage is even a consideration.  Even if you do not need household items, tradition has not lost its firm hold on what is acceptable to add to your registry.  Asking for money to pay for your wedding and or honeymoon is still not socially tolerable by the masses.  Adding to the confusion is a site called “Honeyfund”, where you can break your honeymoon and/or wedding down to each individual cost which your guests can contribute to.

The Honeyfund site gives examples of someone’s honeymoon wish list:

  • $95 – romantic dinners
  • $600 – accommodation
  • $200 – massages
  • $40 – champagne & chocolates in the room

And the list went on and on.  Your guests choose what they would like to contribute to as your wedding present.  Honeyfund, and some sites like it, then charge your guests to process their payment via PayPal.

Some reviews of Honeyfund have newly married couples stating their guests were excited to be involved in their honeymoon planning.  Personally, I love my friends and all, but, I would rather get them something solid that they use and think of me, instead of being one of twenty people that pooled resources together to help them pay for their airfare to Fiji.

This article is not slamming Honeyfund particularly.  You looked for this article because you were concerned about whether asking for money to fund your honeymoon and/or wedding was proper etiquette.  Maybe this will change in the future, but, for now and for as long as I can see, this is way too modern of an innovation to go with traditional weddings.  If you really do have a full house already, create a wedding registry to update your items or limit the items on your registry to force your guests to get creative or give you cash!  In the end, you still get what you want ($$$) without being tacky.  Or, you can always ask that donations be made to your favorite charity – just as long as your favorite charity is not you!

Further Reading: Heifer.org

Photo: gimmestock/Horst Petzold

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

natalie December 21, 2010 at 12:19 am

I think they all charge a small fee, but we LOVE http://www.uponourstar.com We found it be pretty unique in the offering and opened up a lot of options for us to register for! happy wedding!

theonlyholger December 24, 2010 at 7:12 am

Hi Natalie,

Thank you for sending the link. I haven’t heard about this site and really like the idea.

Thanks,

Holger

LTsMom November 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I disagree here wholeheartedly. Especially since you go on to say that, instead, couples should “force” their guests to give them cash??? Now THAT’s poor etiquette! I think if a couple already has what they need for their home, there’s no point in registering for towels and dishes just to make grandma happy. I’ve had friends use Honeyfund and similar websites to allow guests to help them fund their honeymoon, and I thought it was a fabulous idea. Especially these days when money is tight for so many – and a luxury like a honeymoon might not have been possible without help. Other couples have registered with their photographer, so guests can help pay for photos. I think as long as the couple is asking for something they need and want – who cares? Look, it ain’t 1952. As you state, most couples aren’t moving out of their parents house and into their first place at the same time anymore. The traditional registry is fine for those who need it, but I see no problem with these new sites and ideas for gifts. And certainly if there’s a staunch old Emily Post fanatic who doesn’t want to buy the couple airfare, they can bring a wrapped toaster instead. Bottom line – if we really care about the couple, we should want to give them what they want most and need help with, right? It’s supposed to be about THEM not us. You say you want to buy them something tangible so they “think of you” when they use it? I dunno’. Sounds selfish and a little backwards. Wouldn’t you rather they think of you when they’re reminiscing about their amazing trip to Fiji, rather than when they’re wiping down their buttocks with those bath towels you gave them? 😉

Chris November 26, 2011 at 11:09 pm

We are using Honeyfund for our wedding and have had really good luck. We have received so many compliments, so many “what a great idea” and “that is really cool”. “Traditional” Wedding etiquette left this country 20 years ago. Really…who cares. Get a life and find something else to write about.

elisabeth February 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Thank you for your article. Although I must say this is not that modern, I attended a wedding 15 years ago for a couple marrying for the second time, and it was a great concept. depending on the financial situation of each guest they could give $20 or $200, it’s pretty hard to find a $20 gift.

Mel March 29, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I’m with Rachel – it is tacky, tacky, tacky to ask for money! If you can’t afford the wedding or honeymoon of your dreams, you have two choices: scale back or wait. Both show that you have the maturity to compromise – a necessary skill to maintain a marriage – whereas asking for hand-outs harks back to dependency and showcases the fact that you are not ready to get married at all. And don’t get me started on the idea of involving your Great Aunt Sarah in the personal and intimate planning of your honeymoon! Is one of the offerings on these tacky sites a bottle of aspirin for when she “has a headache”?

Hepzi June 23, 2013 at 3:45 am

It’s remarkable that all the commenters evaluate “good luck” by the amount of $$$$ they shake wedding guests down for! REALLY tacky. And do you really expect people to tell you are money grubbing and loathesome to your face at a wedding event? Or did you limit your question to others who want to steal the same nasty acheme…? Grow up and get some class: Dump Honeyfund.

Big Red March 17, 2015 at 2:51 pm

Personally, I think it is very tacky. If you can’t afford to go to “Paris” for your honeymoon…then go someplace cheaper! Save for a few years and go on an anniversary. I would have much more respect for a young married couple who lives within their means…than one who’s asking for cash from everyone they know. I felt guilty asking my parents for help with our wedding costs, so I didn’t. At some point you have to be responsible and make better choices!

kluv January 27, 2016 at 12:26 pm

Where do you people get off telling anyone what is acceptable to ask for, or give to someone for their wedding? I personally would want to give the gift that would be most appreciated by the couple receiving it, which obviously is what the registry is for in the first place…. So if they want a honeymoon so be it! What’s the problem?
-appalled by judgment

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